Babies and Stuffitis: The Marketing Campaign to Empty Your Wallet. Part 2 - Ignoring the Force-Fed Guilt to Determine What You Need!

Read Part 1 of this article here. A Google search for "list of necessary baby items" resulted in more than 52 million hits. This is not terribly surprising, considering the target audience of baby items, the monstrous marketing campaign for all things baby as well as the ability of Google to find anything and everything on the web. Conservatively we can say that maybe one quarter of those hits are actually relevant to the search topic- this still leaves over 12 million results perhaps slightly related to the subject at hand: babies and stuffitis.

The most common items listed in the search were things like a crib, crib mattress, stroller, infant carseat, highchair, playpen (pack-n-play), changing table, rocker, diapers, formula, and the list goes on and on and on. It is incredible the amount of stuff that Google thinks babies need! Okay, so maybe not Google - but the fact is - babies really don't need all of the stuff that the world seems to think they do.

Babycenter.com offers a baby cost calculator that estimates the one-time costs that most parents will have in preparing for their baby. The average total amount of these items is $2058. By adding a few luxury items the one-time costs rise to a staggering $3031! Sadly, this amount does not include ALL of the items that are suggested (or needed) by first time parents- things like a convertible car seat (used after baby reaches the 25-30 pound weight limit of the infant carseat/carrier), or a breast-pump- required of breastfeeding moms who return to work!

How are parents supposed to navigate these giant lists of things, the advice of well-meaning friends and family, and end up with enough to adequately care for baby without breaking the bank? It's actually quite simple. IGNORE all of it. This doesn't mean that parents should not prepare for the arrival of their baby or that there is anything wrong with accumulating things that will be required. But the trick is to accumulate things that YOU will require. Not that others require or suggest, and certainly not what major merchandisers so kindly suggest that you will need.

The best way to prepare for YOUR baby is to talk about how you plan to raise your baby. What parenting style will you use? What do you wish to teach your child? What kind of lifestyle do you want your baby to have? What expectations about things do you want to foster in your child?

If you intend to follow the guidelines of attachment parenting, you may want to forgo a crib and purchase a co-sleeper for your baby instead. If you want to keep your baby close to you to help her adjust to the world then you might choose a baby-wearing device such as a sling, wrap, or soft-structure carrier instead of a stroller.

If your family is concerned with saving money and reducing waste, perhaps cloth diapering- at least part time- is an option for you. Likewise, if you are concerned with using only organic, chemical-free, and other natural products for your baby you may consider exclusively breastfeeding and using cloth diapers full-time.

If you are concerned about raising a child who is overly preoccupied with (and over-stimulated by!) things and wish to foster creativity within your child rather than entertaining them with battery-powered toys, look around your home for items that are safe and practical for your baby to play with as he/she grows. There are very few parents who don't recall wiht humor at least one instance of their child cleaning out a kitchen cabinet full of pots and pans or plastic ware!

Beware of the temptation to buy all new things for your baby. Having some new things is lovely, however, having ALL new things is absolutely not necessary and does not contribute to your baby's well-being as much as happily involved parents do! And it's difficult to be happily involved if you are worried about money. Consider purchasing items second-hand at baby-themed consignment sales or stores, online through sites like Ebay, or from other moms you know (Don't know any moms? Attend a La Leche League meeting!) Even if money is a non-issue for you, consider purchasing some things second hand anyway- finding a good deal gives a great sense of accomplishment AND you'll be truly surprised at the exceptionally short amount of time your baby uses (or is interested in) some "necessary" items.

Following are a few items that we have not found useful or necessary and some of the items that we use instead. Some things we found we simply not useful at all.

Crib: Our daughter has not slept in it. Not even once. We use an Arms Reach co sleeper instead.

Stroller: Carrying baby leads to better attachment and bonding. We like to use an ErgoBaby or a ring-sling carrier like a Maya Wrap.

Infant Carseat: We did not purchase an infant carseat because convertible carseats are designed for babies from 5 pounds to between 45 - 80 pounds (depending on the brand and style) so they are useful much longer than the infant seat which only holds baby up to 25-30 pounds. The convertible carseat does not double as a baby carrier as the infant seat does but we prefer to carry/wear our baby. Before you purchase an infant seat, consider that it is possible for your baby to spend many hours in the seat without touch from another human. The convenience of these seats (home to car, car to stroller, stroller to restaurant car seat sling etc) can lead to your baby receiving much less touch from you than you may prefer or realize.

Baby Bath Towels: Regular bath towels work just fine. But they aren't quite as cute. ;)

Baby Bath Robe: We've never used this....and can't figure out in what circumstance it could be easier than dressing the baby...or why we would want her to be without a diaper after a warm bath anyway!

Boppy Seed Lounger: Our baby fit in this for about 15 minutes. Not worth the $30 investment!






One of the easiest (and hardest!) ways to stay out of the baby-stuff-trap is to wait until baby arrives to purchase things that will not be used right away. It's very easy (and fun!) to get caught up in buying cute baby gear, but parents might find later on that the $150 pack-n-play or a $160 baby swing weren't really as necessary- or as convenient- as they had hoped. Waiting to purchase things are they become necessary can result in substantial cost savings and can keep the accumulation of expensive baby things to a minimum.

Don't miss out on the enjoyable parts of preparing for the arrival of your baby. But don't get caught up in what the world thinks you need either. The best way for new parents to prepare for baby is to talk about how they want to raise their baby and how that effects the things they will need to be prepared for his or her arrival. These conversations and preparation go much further than a crib set toward helping baby to succeed in life; parents who agree on a parenting style are much more prepared than those who only agree on a nursery theme.

Go ahead and enjoy getting ready for your little one, but think about all of the cash you can free up to dump into a college fund if you can avoid the baby-stuff trap!

Babies and Stuffitis: The Marketing Campaign to Empty Your Wallet. Part 1

In the duration of my pregnancy I had the good fortune to only enter a Babies R' Us store on two occasions. Both of them were in the same week and happened only because the furniture stores in our area did not have a very good selection of glider-rocking chairs. My parents had very generously offered to purchase one for us as it had become kind of a tradition in our family with each of my sisters receiving a glider from my parents before the birth of her first child. It was a lovely gift and one that we have been able to use more than we ever imagined! My mom and I had a good time choosing the glider- and even more fun getting the manager to give us a good deal on the last display model of a discontinued color. All of that said, however, I do not plan to set foot in one of those God-forsaken places again.

The ridiculousness that is Babies R' Us (or insert any big-box-baby-superstore here) can barely be described. Wall-to-wall shelves and aisles crammed full of the latest and greatest in baby gear, baby wear, baby feeding, baby travel, baby furniture and every thing else. You name it and they probably have at least 10 different options of essentially the same thing. A quick search for "travel system" indicated almost 20 different options available in-store and a separate search on the mega-store's website returned over 70 options for "convertible carseats"! Incredible! The choices seem almost infinite and are utterly staggering.

And that is the problem with entering the baby years. It's mind boggling, completely overwhelming and can easily get out-of-control-expensive. Marketing techniques convince new parents that they "need" the latest technology and would be irresponsible to attempt parenthood without it. (Watch a commercial for just about any baby product and this subtext will probably jump out at you now if it didn't before.) Even Amazon is on board with the "needs" of babyhood. They recently posted their editors picks for "Newborn Essentials: 10 Products You Probably Didn't Know You Needed" which lists items like a "White Noise Machine", a "Moses Basket", and swaddle blankets along with a convincing blurb describing why new parents will absolutely require the item.

Many soon-to-be and new parents look to seasoned parents for advice on which items to register for and purchase, but most of us also observe and respond to social norms and trends regarding raising baby. That is how we ended up with a crib, crib bedding set, crib mattress, and TWO of those waterproof crib mattress pads that the Amazon editors indicate as positively necessary, and that we have NEVER used. And probably never will.

As we prepared for the arrival of our daughter we began to collect the things we thought would be necessary and to prepare a room for her. Compared to some we didn't really buy too much stuff. We were much less convinced than most that we would need every available baby item in order to be adequately prepared. We also opted not to learn our baby's sex ahead of time and to wait to make certain purchases until after the baby arrived.

Well, it turns out that most of the items we did buy were really NOT necessary. Even the crib. Especially the crib, in our case, actually. It's too bad that we spent so much money on it too, since when I eventually Craigslist it we probably won't get much of it back!

The guilt-ridden marketing toward soon-to-be parents is deceptive and dishonest, at best. While there are SOME things that are certainly necessary, they don't even begin to add up to the thousands of dollars in baby merchandise that marketers try to convince parents they will need to succeed in bringing-up baby. Parents would be better off to purchase a few small things to get started and determine what they really need as they raise their baby. That would definitely free up some cash to start a college fund for that same kiddo.

There are several short and long term complications caused by this very successful marketing scheme that go beyond the ridiculous surplus of stuff in American homes. The first and most obvious is a shortage of cash in the short term - cash that might otherwise be used to begin a college fund, or allow a parent (or both parents) to stay home with their baby for awhile longer before returning to work. This critical time with baby can especially effect breastfeeding success, parent-child bonding and attachment. Another issue may be a decrease in birthrates due to the perceived cost of raising infants. (Likewise, the cost may very well get out of hand because of the materialistic nature of our culture. But that is a topic for another time.) Requiring so much stuff for the arrival of and first year of baby's life is also setting a standard for the rest of the baby's childhood and maybe their entire lives. More and more stuff leads to "stuffitis" which can ultimately lead to poor priorities and poor checkbooks in adulthood. Maybe this seems like a stretch for some but take an honest look around and see if you still think it's untrue.

This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with having some fun and frivolous things for your baby, or that there is anything wrong with being prepared with silly, pretty, or cool baby stuff. It just means that parents should consider the short and long term gains of the things they buy, if they can really afford them or if that money would be better spent on something else that is of more value to their baby (time, college tuition, etc). It means that parents should not buy into the commercials and advertisements laced with guilt directed at them for not having the newest and- almost always - outrageously expensive piece of baby equipment available.

It is important for parents to consider their parenting style and how they plan to raise their child as they prepare for baby's arrival. Conversations about these things are of much more value than stuff, and can lead to important, and possibly money saving revelations about which items are necessities and which items are more frivolous.

Next: Babies and Stuffitis: The Marketing Campaign to Empty Your Wallet. Part 2 - Ignoring the Force-Fed Guilt to Determine What You Need!

The Simple(r) Life: Not Just For Paris?

A few months ago I read a story in Mothering magazine about a woman who converted a 40 foot long Blue Bird bus into a home for herself, her husband, and three daughters, aged seven years and younger. Their desire to live simply and eliminate debt from their lives led her to the decision to park the bus on a piece of property owned by a relative, complete a moderate renovation and move her family in. Their family's lifestyle became one of simplicity, careful consideration of resources, and cooking entire meals in only one pot using as much whole food as possible. My reaction to the article was a strange combination of shock, horror, respect, curiosity, and realization that perhaps there are other ways to live outside of rampant consumerism and the proverbial rat race.

Although I have always considered myself to be frugal in many areas of life and I am certainly a self proclaimed disciple of Amy Dacyczyn, author of The Tightwad Gazette, I have not really been as frugal as I could be. This is at least partially due to spending the last several years enjoying two incomes- sometimes frugality is the result of necessity as much as anything else.

Last fall, anticipating a change in our living situation and a transition to a single-income household, my husband and I participated in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Although we were familiar with many of Ramsey's concepts, the class gave us the opportunity to begin practicing the methods that will allow us to ultimately live debt-free. Ramsey's famous adage "Normal is broke be weird!" struck a proverbial chord with us and has allowed us to see how encumbered we had become by things and the stuff we were keeping around the house, and without realizing, had fallen into the habit of regularly accumulating more of.

We followed Ramsey's advice and began to sell off the "junk" we weren't using. Utilizing websites like Craigslist we listed (slowly at first) things that we had not used in the last 3 years...followed by things we hadn't used or looked at in 2 years....and as the stuff rolled out and the cash rolled in, our momentum increased and we accomplished an extensive liquidation of "stuff". In all fairness, I must admit my tendency to get carried away with projects like this and although my husband has had to reign me in a time or two (but the baby doesn't REALLY need her crib-she can sleep in the pack n play!) for the most part our purge has been pretty reasonable. We parted with old gaming systems, books, clothes, furniture we weren't using and were keeping "just in case" (in case of what, we have no idea, of course).

The benefits of this project have been pretty awesome and even a little bit surprising. We found space in our house that we didn't realize was there because it had been so crammed with stuff, accumulated a big chunk of cash, unloaded "things" that at some point we thought couldn't be lived without, and have gained an (odd) sense of fulfillment by dumping the "junk"!

Life and financial situations can be especially troubling when headlines abound with stories about the United States' consumer bust and what happens if the government can't agree on how to handle our tax dollars. In a world obsessed with owning things, in which the quality of one's life is judged by the ability to accumulate things and the way we are perceived by others is largely influenced by our possessions, it can be difficult to recognize how quickly objects and our pursuit of them, can encumber our happiness. Although I am not an advocate of a miserly existence or one that does not allow for some comforts and modern conveniences- I want new living room furniture as much as the next person!- I think that evaluating our want versus need scenario can do a great deal for our sense of satisfaction in life and help us feel at ease in a world of perpetual financial unrest.

Until rather recently, I have never really considered the uncluttered and simpler way of life that is part of modern-day minimalist living as something that was even remotely feasible for my family. And I'm not sure I can entirely embrace it now- but I know for certain that the Blue Bird bus family inspired me to re-evaluate what is really important for my family. With some help from Dave Ramsey, a sense of humor, and a huge amount of determination, our family is determined to live a less-cluttered and more fulfilling lifestyle.

“Our life is frittered away by detail ... simplify, simplify.”

Henry David Thoreau