What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex by Dannah Gresh, is the author's newest book in her campaign to encourage women to maintain sexual purity until marriage. Gresh covers a variety of topics relating to sex and sexuality in sixteen chapters and 178 pages. Several of the chapter titles seem particularly riveting including "The Lesbian Question", "Friends With Benefits" and chapters designated for topics including pornography and masturbation. Gresh claims that her book holds the secret to fulfilling sex and the reason that women should hold sex as sacred and reserved for their husbands.
In this book Gresh adequately answers some relevant questions about sex and aids readers in navigating issues complicated by pop culture and media. Her conversation regarding the effect of pornography on love and marriage illustrates that a brain addicted to porn can lose it's sensitivity and capability to love because it is overcome by lust. She uses scientific explanations to describe how the porn addicted brain is desensitized to love and becomes hooked on the need for pornographic stimulus. Gresh also gives readers advice concerning relationships in which pornography is an established problem.
The author gives useful advice to young women seeking to maintain their sexual purity and helps readers to not cross "the line" into premarital sex. She discusses kissing, fondling, and the burning question of whether or not oral sex is really sex. She offers readers helpful advice for refraining from situations in which their intentions could be compromised by physical desires. She also urges young girls to practice modesty in their clothing choices to avoid creating situations in which sexual temptation is more difficult to resist.
Gresh carefully weaves scientific information throughout the book and explains how the female human brain reacts to sexual stimuli through the creation of oxytocin which creates a chemical attachment to the sexual partner. Gresh calls this chemical attachment "emotional glue" (p. 114) and asserts that this is why casual sex is not possible; every sexual encounter causes the participants to be emotionally bonded whether they choose to be or not. Gresh also uses scientific evidence to illustrate how physical love is biologically emotional and that human sex is biologically different than sex between animals. (p.43-44) She also explains to readers that "not all sex is the same" (p.35) and encourages readers to search for the experience of sex that goes beyond only the physical act.
One of the author's more triumphant moments is her illustration of the standard that Christian women are called to. She demonstrates that communion with God is not a pious attitude and living as close to the sexual line as possible without sinning. She indicates that closeness with God comes from living honestly and performing regular self-checks to maintain an honest and strong relationship with God. She calls her readers to pursue "a life that is free from any hint of sexual sin." (p.118)
The book falls short in several instances though including rather simple theology that does not leave readers with much sense of spiritual growth. Although her discussion of the Hebrew language and her examination of the Bible's original meaning in verses relating to sex and sexuality are interesting, they are not quite deep enough to be more than somewhat impressive. The point of this book, the secret that Gresh promises to share, is not revealed until chapter four of the book, and when revealed, does not really offer anything particularly mind-blowing.
The author's writing style is also somewhat distracting as she seems to be overly intent on connecting with a younger generation rather than communicating her ideas. Words and phrases such as "girl", "push pause, push play" (p.112) and references to establishments in her immediate locale (p.134) make it difficult to focus on the topics she believes are important. Although this writing style may be appropriate for teenaged readers it is probably not appealing to readers at the college level or beyond. Additionally, Gresh tries to add relevance to some of her topics through inclusion of comments made and questions posed by young (college age) women. Unfortunately her research pool is not very broad and in chapter 12, "The Line", her conversations with college age girls seem to be restricted to only her two interns. (p.111)
The work is not free from the commonplace Christian guilt on this particular subject either. Gresh relates a conversation she had with a young woman who had allowed a recent boyfriend to get "under her shirt" (p. 45) and the woman's deep sense of guilt and shame regarding the incident. Gresh indicates that she encouraged this young woman by reassuring her of "how much of herself she still had to give to her future husband." (p.45) While this seems like an excellent point of consolation, it seems that some reference to God's forgiveness and a repentant spirit might be more relevant to spiritual growth than a conversation about one's future spouse. In a later chapter, Gresh uses verbiage that seems condescending and sententious when she discusses "preparing your heart to confess (sexual sin) to your future husband" (p. 125). Additionally, her advice regarding sharing past behaviors with a boyfriend until "you are certain that the relationship is headed toward marriage" (p. 123), although well-meaning, may disappoint young women who wait too long to share important details of their lives with future partners.
What Are You Waiting For, regrettably, left me waiting for something of a little more substance. This book claims to be more ambitious than it actually is and, although it covers relevant topics, it only minimally does so. Sixteen chapters in 178 pages does not leave much room for real depth and spiritual growth. The author seems to be more intent on convincing women to maintain sexual purity than on fostering a deeper relationship with God.
The book is probably best for girls between 13-17 years old. The writing style and minimal spiritual depth will probably cause disappointment in older readers. I would recommend this book to young girls interested in this topic and who are beginning question the biblical significance of sexuality and encounter the many sexual issues and questions that are prevalent in modern culture. It would also be a useful tool for parents (particularly mothers) of teenage girls who are looking for an avenue to discuss these issues and questions with their daughters.
For a chance to win a FREE copy of this book, please rate my review here.
I received this book from the publisher.
No comments:
Post a Comment